Things to think about..... - some goodies in here!



*   Why did the Siamese twins go to England?  So the other one could
    have a chance to drive!

*   When we talk to God it's called prayer.  When God talks back it's 
called schizophrenia.

*   What do you get when cross a Godfather with a lawyer?  An offer you 
can't understand.

*   It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

*   During break time at obedience school, two dogs were talking.  One
    said to the other..."The thing I hate about obedience school is you 
learn
    ALL this stuff you'll never use in the real world.

*   Which animals did Noah not take on the ark in pairs?  Worms!  They
    went on in apples. What veggie did Noah not take on the Ark?  Leeks

*   What do you get when you cross LSD with the pill?  A trip without the 
kids!

*   I was just wondering......if you choke a smurf, what color does it 
turn?

*   A newly married man asks his wife, "Would you have married me if my
    father hadn't left me a fortune?"  "Darling," the woman replies 
sweetly,
    "I'd have married you no matter who left you a fortune."

*   How many men does it take to change the toilet paper roll?  NOBODY 
KNOWS!


SOME TIME-HONORED TRUTHS:

*   Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things. 

*   One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

*   One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

*   To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it. 

*   Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

*   The older you get, the better you used to be. 

*   I doubt, therefore I might be.

*   Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

*   Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. 

*   Women like silent men, they think they're listening. 

*   Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

*   Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
    and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

*   A fool and his money are soon partying.

*   Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? 

*   Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery. 

*   If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

*   If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it? 

*   If you ate pasta and anti pasta, would you still be hungry?