(na, wer von euch hat das subject als 'mating tips' gelesen?)


Bored during meetings? Why not try some of these neat little exercises, 
not only will it make meetings more interesting but your fellow 
workmates will become suddenly more alert and maintain a respectful 
distance:

During a meeting:

Discreetly clasp the hold of someone's hand and whisper "Can you feel 
it?" from the corner of your mouth.

Draw enormous genitalia on your notepad and discreetly show it to the 
person next to you for their approval.

When refreshments are presented, immediately distribute one biscuit to 
each of the attendees then systematically smash each one with your fist 
in front of them.

Wear a hand free phone headset throughout. Once in a while drift off 
into an unrelated conversation, such as "I don't care if there are no 
dwarfs, just get the show done!"

Write the words 'he fancies you' on your pad and show it to the person 
next to you while indicating with your pen.

Respond to a serious question with "I don't know what to say, obviously 
I'm flattered, but it's all happened so fast.

Use 'Nam style jargon' such as 'what's the ETA?', 'who's on recon?' and 
'Charlie don't surf!'

Reconstruct the meeting in front of you using action figures and when 
anyone moves re-arrange the figures accordingly.

Shave one of your forearms.

Draw a chalk circle around one of the chairs then avoid sitting on it 
when the meeting starts. When someone does eventually sit on it, cover 
your mouth and gasp.

Turn your back on the meeting and sit facing the window with your legs 
stretched out. Announce that 'you love this dirty old town!'

Walk directly up to a colleague and stand nose to nose with him/her for 
one minute.

Mount the desk and walk along it's length before taking your seat.

Reflect sunlight into everyone's eyes off your watch face.

Gargle with water.

Repeat every idea they express in a baby voice while moving your hand 
like a chattering mouth.

Gradually push yourself closer and closer to the door on your chair.

Hum throughout.

Pull out a large roll of bank notes and count them demonstratively.

Bend momentarily under the table then emerge wearing contact lenses that 
white out your eyes.

Drop meaningless and confusing management speak into conversations such as:
'What's the margin, Marvin?'
'When's this turkey going to get basted?'
'If we don't get this brook babbling we're all going to end up looking 
like doe-eyed Labradors'

Produce a hamster from your pocket and suggest throwing it to one 
another as a means of idea-exchange.

Use a large hunting knife to point at your visual aids.

Announce that you've run off some copies of the meeting agenda for 
everyone. Then hand out pieces of paper that read:
My Secret Agenda
1. Trample the weak
2. Triumph alone
3. Invade Poland
Recollect them sheepishly and ask everyone to pretend they haven't seen 
them.

Attempt to hypnotise the entire room using a pocket watch.

Leave long pauses in your speech at random moments. When someone is 
prompted to interject shout 'I AM NOT FINISHED'.